Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Of Course!

This isn't a story about how my car is a write off, a funny tale about how much I'd love to hurt the crack head who caused me this grief, or a chronicle of how I overcame this...unfortunate incident. Contrary to what I usually write, this post will be about something I noticed today.

Of course, these two words, when used in conjunction, have got to be one of the best phrases in the english language. Aesthetically they're not wooing anyone, phonetically, again, nothing too dreamy, but be patient. When you ask someone a question and they respond not with the boring generic "yes", "no", or "I don't really have time for this because I'm in law school", but instead with "of course", by god it sounds good. It's validating, empowering, and it makes you feel good. Honestly, I'm informing you of a master manipulator. THIS IS A TOOL!

Try it, go on now. Today, in some interaction, say "Of course" with conviction and passion--like you really mean it--and see what happens. Your response needs to radiate a sense of "Oh my God, how could you have thought differently?".

Look, I'm not saying it'll turn you into a fucking magician, I'm just saying that it might release some endorphins or something...

Go on now. Do it.

Friday, December 08, 2006

An Early X-mas Present

You know that feeling you get when you walk out your front door in a rush, no time to stop and chat with the local raccoons when- OH SHIT RACCOONS! There, greeting you with a smile is your garbage strewn across the pavement. You stand there and think about whether or not getting to an exam on time is more important than making sure your neighbor's don't see that you really like avocados...a lot. So you kind of sigh, feel like crap, and then leave knowing that everyone will think you're a hobo. And then the sky opens and shits on you, literally, shit magically falls from the sky and lands on you.

That kind of reminds me of the feeling you get when a crack head steals your car. That's right, steals your mofo'n car.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I Couldn't Make This Shit Up If I Tried

I was lucky enough to catch my bus yesterday just as the highschools were letting out. The bus was quickly stuffed with screaming, swearing, extremely entertaining students. I tend to think that I look so young for my age, and sometimes wonder why people don't stop me on campus and ask me if I'd like them to help find my parents. However, when I take a second to eavesdrop at 3:30 on a downtown bus, I begin to understand why I atleast don't sound like a 14 year old. Yesterday I overheard the following:

"You gonna get fucking tanked with us on Friday?"

"I dunno, you gonna share your alcohol with us?"

"I dunno, maybe, I only have 3 bottles of wine."

"What are you anyways, like I never know how to say that, but like what are your parents or whatever?"

"Oh, she's Yugoslavian, French, and Capricorn."

"What's crap-icorn?"

Friday, December 01, 2006

Last Day Of School

When my alarm clock rang this morning--set to radio like it always is--I was very confused. The voice just said "600 AM" but the red numbers seemed to show that it was 800 o'clock. So if I were to "do the math", either I was supposed to sleep another 200 hours, or school had finally rendered me insane.

I find it slightly sad, that as I sat up right then, not knowing which one hundred o'clock it was, that I actually had to do a little self talk.

"Nothing's wrong, everyone you love is just fine, you are ok, the pain you're experiencing is something called E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-O-N."