Saturday, February 03, 2007

That Big Dude Upstairs

You know, God.

I've provided several detailed accounts of that horribly, wretched, pretentious douche bag in my religious studies class, but the saga of him may never be at an end. I must, therefore, continue to update you--my faithful reading audience--of his day to day comments which gnaw at my fleeting sanity. And yes, by "faithful reading audience" I'm referring to my sister and her friend Nicole, who apparently, can no longer communicate via anything but blog.

My eccentric and passionate prof really is a good sport when it comes to PDB (pretentious douche bag). He let's him make his unnecessary comments, he pretends to take into consideration what has been said, and he even takes it upon himself to refrain from walking over to PDB's seat, placing one hand on his shoulder, one on his head, and snapping his god damn neck. Honestly, this is a feat. I fear, though, that I may not have this same ability to stop myself in the near future. If this be the case, I may have to make all subsequent posts from Juarez, Mexico, where the Canadian RCMP won't bother me.

The other day my prof was explaining a Daoist lesson through an analogy wherein a normal person asks a Daoist master what his religion is all about. The Daoist master goes on to suggest having tea first, and proceeds to fill up the questioners cup, and continue to pour even when the tea begins to flow up and out of the cup. The questioner becomes confused but then the Dao master tells him that no new information can be absorbed if your cup is already full. The obvious theme here is that one has to have an open mind to understand a new and foreign concept, in this case it is a religion. Nice, great, concise, we all understand, right?

No, PDB needs to add a remark.

He raises his hand, every kid in the class roles their eyes, and awaits the torture. PDB smirks in that completely infuriating way that screams "HEY EVERYBODY I KNOW FACTS!", and really, it's that smirk that makes my stomach turn. I hold down the vomit. He begins to speak.

"Well, you see here, something hasn't been taken into consideration. Really, it's just a common mistake to overlook things. Can't we assume that the amount of information one can take in is directly related to the...size of their "cup"?"

He finishes, looks around for the absent applause, and smiles at his unparalleled insight. My prof rubs his eyes before replying.

"You're just thinking about this in too technical a manner--"

But he's interrupted. A guy in the back of the class pipes up, finally taking initiative like all of us have wanted to for the last 20 classes and yells,

"IT'S A METAPHOR!"

I was hoping for a "STUPID" on the end of that remark, but really, his high level of angst sufficed.

6 Comments:

Blogger screetus said...

In advertising they say 'never write a headline where you could easily put '...you idiot' at the end of it.' So I'd say it was a good bet that everyone in the class understood he meant 'it's a metaphor stupid.'
Everyone in class except PDB, of course.

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carmen,
I think you should join facebook so I don't have to go through allan's blog to get to yours every single time.

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a posted that I realized how utterly retarded that was as I can just type in lowecasecarmen. POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

9:30 AM  
Blogger BCB (Brian Clifford Bitches) said...

I have a blog now, check it out BrianCliffordBitches

11:16 AM  
Blogger nicole said...

uh... actually carmen, megan and i also smile periodically at each other on the occasions that we leave our respective houses for some seriously unwelcome contact with the outside world. if you're gonna bash us, at least represent me fairly.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous abdu said...

his cup must be huuuuge

11:04 PM  

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