Yes, I Somehow Decided To Let This One Leave The Privacy Of My Inner Thoughts
Last night I had a strange and random dream laced, of course, with elements of reality and surreality. The other day I left my Ipod at the gym and somebody obviously needed it more than I do, so we are no longer...a team. This is really the only factual aspect of my dream. What ensues, is the majority of what I can recollect.
I knew that I had insurance for my Ipod (which is not true in real life, damn) and so I went to the insurance company. Of course, the "insurance company" was just an old decrepit lady sitting on a fold out chair in the middle of a hallway. Naturally this utter lack of professionality made perfect sense in my dream. I began to explain my loss to her when she informed me of a fee, a $400 fee. Immediately I was unimpressed, like lady, nuh uh. My whole Ipod didn't even cost that much so why would I give YOU money? What the hell is insurance for?
But instead of being assertive and explaining the absolute ludicrousness of her insurance policy, I decided to do something I often do [unsuccessfully] in real life; be funny. So, as the old woman stared at me waiting impatiently for her $400 I cracked a joke.
"Uh OK I'll give you all that money...(I paused for added effect while looking around me to warn everyone of the comical bomb I was about to drop) right after I kill somone!"
Somehow, in my comatose state, I linked murder with exorbitant profit AND decided it would be an acceptable joke for an elderly insurance claims employee. I suppose I was thinking of murder in terms of hitmen (or women) on a commissioned type basis, but still, my utter disregard for appropriateness continues to traumatize and transcend even my waking moments.
I believe the worst part, though, was not the rude old lady, the steep fee, or my lack of tact, but that as I looked around to take in all the laughter and collective appreciation for my comedic genius, not a single surrounding person was laughing. Or smiling. Unfortunatley, even in my dreams I am painfully, demonstrably unamusing.
I knew that I had insurance for my Ipod (which is not true in real life, damn) and so I went to the insurance company. Of course, the "insurance company" was just an old decrepit lady sitting on a fold out chair in the middle of a hallway. Naturally this utter lack of professionality made perfect sense in my dream. I began to explain my loss to her when she informed me of a fee, a $400 fee. Immediately I was unimpressed, like lady, nuh uh. My whole Ipod didn't even cost that much so why would I give YOU money? What the hell is insurance for?
But instead of being assertive and explaining the absolute ludicrousness of her insurance policy, I decided to do something I often do [unsuccessfully] in real life; be funny. So, as the old woman stared at me waiting impatiently for her $400 I cracked a joke.
"Uh OK I'll give you all that money...(I paused for added effect while looking around me to warn everyone of the comical bomb I was about to drop) right after I kill somone!"
Somehow, in my comatose state, I linked murder with exorbitant profit AND decided it would be an acceptable joke for an elderly insurance claims employee. I suppose I was thinking of murder in terms of hitmen (or women) on a commissioned type basis, but still, my utter disregard for appropriateness continues to traumatize and transcend even my waking moments.
I believe the worst part, though, was not the rude old lady, the steep fee, or my lack of tact, but that as I looked around to take in all the laughter and collective appreciation for my comedic genius, not a single surrounding person was laughing. Or smiling. Unfortunatley, even in my dreams I am painfully, demonstrably unamusing.
posted by lowercasecarmen at 1:50 PM
2 comments
