Friday, January 19, 2007

I'm Gonna Go A Little Bill Maher On Everyone

Hey UBC students, NEW RULE:

You know those two roundish shaped things on your face above your nose? Yeah eyes, use them. I know it sounds crazy and unnatural but here's an insane idea, LOOK IN THE DIRECTION YOU'RE WALKING! See now, some might think that I'm being slightly ridiculous in telling people to do this, but apparently it's just not an activity that students do naturally. A lot of people consider this to be quite an unconscious practice, but there's a fair chance they're among the non-university student population. It's really not all that difficult either, sort of a point and shoot mentality.

But in true optimistic fashion so foreign to my routine cynicism, I have high hopes that this is just a phase. Ideally these people will graduate and realize that such blatant demonstrations of mental retardation are not accepted in the real world. I could always reinforce these sanctions, or well, "encourage" them by clotheslining each one I see on campus.

That's right, WWF was very educational back in the day.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Ouch, My Brain Hurts

Well it's back to school, and like always, with much less enthusiasm than Billy Madison. Maybe I should start eating snack packs?

Today I was having lunch with a friend and we were talking about how the holiday season went. She told me about what her boyfriend got her for christmas and her birthday, or more accurately, what he didn't get her.

"You know, I really don't care that much about stuff, I just wanted him to show a little more appreciation than a text message."

Yes, that is what he got her, and no, not very impressive. She went on to tell me the things that she got him, detailing the amount of thought and effort that went into each present. I told her that even I was pretty impressed with the things she bought and that a little reciprocation in the area of consideration should have come her way.

"Honestly, your gifts were so thoughtful," I consoled her.

She responded by turning to me with concerned eyes, pointing in the direction of her brain and saying,

"Yeah I know, and I mean, thinking's really hard for me."