A Fitting End
There's nothing like a downtown apartment building to act as the crossroads for the craziest of crazies. It's not that I consider myself that sane or normal, because I definitely don't have everything working together upstairs, but it's rather that these other people are crazy in more apparent ways. Some are late night screamers, others are loud ass couple fighters, while a few choose to tell you about their grandchildren during awkward elevator rides. The other day I helped Al move out of his building, and ofcourse, no stressful day of moving could be complete without one of the crazies cramping our style (and being a bitch).
I was sitting down in the lobby "guarding" Al's possessions, a lampshade to my right, and a Magic Bullet to my left, waiting for him to come down from yet another trip. A man walked past and through a door carrying a bag of garbage, a woman walked in the same door and looked at me for a while. She pressed the elevator button.
"Are you moving in or out?" she asked.
"Out, well my boyfriend is."
She chatted with me for a while, asked how big it was, how the view was, how much it cost; she was kind of nosy but I didn't really mind. The two guys that Al and I refer to as "The Russian Gangsters" came into the lobby and pressed the elevator button. They said some things to each other that I didn't understand and looked hard core like always. Two men came in aswell and pressed the elevator button, making it the third time. I looked up at the lights that indicate which floor the elevator is at and saw them flickering in and out of number 16, 15, 14, etc. When it finally got to the lobby Al was there with a table and cardboard box. He started to maneuver his way out and then the chatty woman turned to me.
"Aren't you gonna help him?" she asked in an impatient tone.
I hopped up and went to help him. She asked both of us why we hadn't rented an elevator for ourselves so that we "didn't have to hold it up for everyone else."
"It's broken," Al and I said simultaneously. We were both concerned with proving our innocence.
"Well did you tell the office that there's a problem?" she came back at us with.
Some guy near the mailboxes piped up, "It's been stuck on floor six all night. Don't know why."
The two guys made a comment to let us know that they hadn't appreciated the wait. We appreciated their two cents. The chatty woman continued where she left off.
"Well I just know that you gotta tell the office about things like this right away. I mean, I run a hotel right, and like, you just gotta do things immediately or else there's gonna be problems."
I looked at her uniform and read the words "Security Guard", I didn't exactly believe the "run the hotel" part. She seemed a few screws short and I was starting to loose interest in her stories and lectures.
The majority of people got on the elevator and were whisked away. The Russian gangsters and the woman remained. Apparently she hadn't told us everything she needed to because she started up again.
"You just have to rent the elevator so this kind of stuff won't happen, it's real simple," she began opening her mail.
"Yeah well, it's broken so we couldn't."
She shuffled through her stack of letters and made a joke to the gangsters, they didn't laugh or smile because gangsters don't do that. She opened one.
"Oh fuck, fuck. What do these bastards want now?" She looked up at the gangsters and I. "You know, one time at the hotel there were 28 non-english speaking japanese girls. Gosh, you know, all in their cute little uniforms and they were stuck in the elevator screaming, screaming in those high pitched voices they have, you know what I'm talking about right? Anyways, they were all like hing ho bo ko ja (she uttered her rendition of japanese)."
The gangsters and I looked at each other and then her. Had she really just imitated japanese school girls? I was kind of embarrassed.
The elevators opened, the gangsters and her got on. Allan was still fuming, I could tell he didn't like her butting in to our affairs, and he decided to mutter some last words when the elevator doors were almost closed.
"It's broken. You dumb bitch."
We pushed open the front lobby doors and walked out of the building. It was the last time he or I will ever be there.
I was sitting down in the lobby "guarding" Al's possessions, a lampshade to my right, and a Magic Bullet to my left, waiting for him to come down from yet another trip. A man walked past and through a door carrying a bag of garbage, a woman walked in the same door and looked at me for a while. She pressed the elevator button.
"Are you moving in or out?" she asked.
"Out, well my boyfriend is."
She chatted with me for a while, asked how big it was, how the view was, how much it cost; she was kind of nosy but I didn't really mind. The two guys that Al and I refer to as "The Russian Gangsters" came into the lobby and pressed the elevator button. They said some things to each other that I didn't understand and looked hard core like always. Two men came in aswell and pressed the elevator button, making it the third time. I looked up at the lights that indicate which floor the elevator is at and saw them flickering in and out of number 16, 15, 14, etc. When it finally got to the lobby Al was there with a table and cardboard box. He started to maneuver his way out and then the chatty woman turned to me.
"Aren't you gonna help him?" she asked in an impatient tone.
I hopped up and went to help him. She asked both of us why we hadn't rented an elevator for ourselves so that we "didn't have to hold it up for everyone else."
"It's broken," Al and I said simultaneously. We were both concerned with proving our innocence.
"Well did you tell the office that there's a problem?" she came back at us with.
Some guy near the mailboxes piped up, "It's been stuck on floor six all night. Don't know why."
The two guys made a comment to let us know that they hadn't appreciated the wait. We appreciated their two cents. The chatty woman continued where she left off.
"Well I just know that you gotta tell the office about things like this right away. I mean, I run a hotel right, and like, you just gotta do things immediately or else there's gonna be problems."
I looked at her uniform and read the words "Security Guard", I didn't exactly believe the "run the hotel" part. She seemed a few screws short and I was starting to loose interest in her stories and lectures.
The majority of people got on the elevator and were whisked away. The Russian gangsters and the woman remained. Apparently she hadn't told us everything she needed to because she started up again.
"You just have to rent the elevator so this kind of stuff won't happen, it's real simple," she began opening her mail.
"Yeah well, it's broken so we couldn't."
She shuffled through her stack of letters and made a joke to the gangsters, they didn't laugh or smile because gangsters don't do that. She opened one.
"Oh fuck, fuck. What do these bastards want now?" She looked up at the gangsters and I. "You know, one time at the hotel there were 28 non-english speaking japanese girls. Gosh, you know, all in their cute little uniforms and they were stuck in the elevator screaming, screaming in those high pitched voices they have, you know what I'm talking about right? Anyways, they were all like hing ho bo ko ja (she uttered her rendition of japanese)."
The gangsters and I looked at each other and then her. Had she really just imitated japanese school girls? I was kind of embarrassed.
The elevators opened, the gangsters and her got on. Allan was still fuming, I could tell he didn't like her butting in to our affairs, and he decided to mutter some last words when the elevator doors were almost closed.
"It's broken. You dumb bitch."
We pushed open the front lobby doors and walked out of the building. It was the last time he or I will ever be there.
posted by lowercasecarmen at 9:44 PM
5 Comments:
hing ho bo ko ja to her!
The thing you have to remember about crazy people is how much fun they can be. Try it next time one starts messing with you, mess back.
you have to take it a little easy on her, i mean shes a two bit rent-a-cop, se is probably by her self the entire night and has no-one to talk to. She probably just has too much built up anger.
But then again, she could just be a bitch
crazy people make the world a little more intersting. Imagine if we were all normal. BOOOOORING
hey, without the crazy people out there, who would we make fun of.....
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