I'm Defeating A Purpose

I began to make a "To Do" list this morning, but felt my motivation wean quickly. I'm sure that I'm not alone in doing this, but I started to write down things I've already done, completed things if you will. Then I put a big red check mark next to those and realized that I was making an "Already Done'd" list. I think the underachiever in me really wanted a pat on the back, but knew that trickery would have to be involved in any successful praise. Atleast I'm having internal battles within my consciousness or subconsciously, the way a romantic or profoundly disturbed literary character does. That's a nice thought and I think I'll go with it.

She sat at her kitchen table, an empty coffee cup placed beside her making a ring on the wooden surface. "I'll deal with it later," she thought to herself, and averted her glance. She did a lot of things later, a lot of things never, but she often chose meek denial over admittance when it came to this issue. Sometimes she thought that her utter disregard for other people, for messes she made, and the general disarray she left in her trail was a sign of her immaturity. This again was denial. Immaturity in her mind presented a certain transient quality which, in her case, she understood to be rather doubtful. In the interest of honesty, however, she may have admitted that it was not immaturity, but rather selfishness. At the moment, she was not all that interested in honesty when applied to her character. She took out a sheet of paper, a pen, and began writing beautiful lies.

"To Do" she titled it.