We Were Doing Zippers, Jalepeno Poppers, You Name It
Sorry about my general absence on the blog lately, I've been in Hawaii saving turtles on an important expedition. I feel like I've really made a difference, and I think I'm growing as a person. Alright no, that's all a lie, but my friend did use that as an excuse to quit her job at Home Depot...
I've been busy looking for apartments and the like so that I can live closer to my school. It's such a frustrating process being a saleswoman for yourself. Hey Renters! I'm so awesome, I like cleaning, and being quiet, but also being fun, and I enjoy every hobby that you do! Did I mention that I periodically save lives? Of small children? Sometimes my hot girlfriends come over and we have rowdy pillow fights! I can also make origami samurai hats! How could you not want to live with me?!
It's exhausting, and ofcourse I'd never say that I'm a psychopathic hypochondriac because that isn't the most alluring character trait (even if it's the predominant one). Somehow that doesn't exude the charisma I'm going for...
My brother is in a similar place, trying to find a roomate for the vacant room at his house, and he's seen too many people in the last week to count. I know what you're thinking right now, that my brother and I should live together but c'mon, would you actually live with a sibling? I can just see it now, I'd wake up and be eating my cereal, keeping to myself when it hits me, HEY WHERE'S MY SPECIAL EDITION METALLIC NINJA TURTLE?! Oh right, my brother stole it. No way, jose, not going through those battles for a second time. And plus, the levels of ketchup that kid consumes traumatizes me in an irreversible manner.
My brother interviewed one guy for the place, a seemingly normal person in his early 20's, and thought that he might be a suitable match. He was a bit put off by the guys strong affinity for nintendo, explanations of how you might turn yourself into a fireball, etc. but didn't think that was a real problem. As the interview was drawing to an end along with the extensive discussions of nintendo, the guy had something to add, something that may or may not be of interest to a roomate.
"So I just wanted to let you know," the guy said, "That if I get the place, I like to go to gothic bars. I like to dress up in black latex, and dresses, and I just wanted to make that clear."
My brother said he wasn't sure if it was a joke or not, but he waited an adequate amount of time before deciding that it was most likely the truth. He didn't know what to say, how to respond to the black latex comment, but he's a quick boy, he could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves, so he responded the only way he knew how. Nothing to invasive, offensive, or extensive, just something to fill the awkward silence.
"So," I could picture my brother pooling together all his strength to keep a straight face, to avoid making this gothic loving man feel completely embarrassed, "Are there a lot of gothic bars in Vancouver?"
As you may have guessed, my brother didn't offer the place to him, and was more than relieved to see him go, but not before gothic man could throw out one last enticing proposition. And this is my favourite part by far.
When the new "WE" nintendo system comes out at christmas time, would my brother perhaps like to go halfsies on it with him? Yeah, he actually said halfsies, as in we each pay half of a fucking nintendo system so that we can share the euphoric joy it will bring while we wear black latex and gothic skirts.
I asked my brother later why he wouldn't want to live with the guy just so that he could brag about what his random roomate was doing that day. You know, he could give updates on his outfits, nintendo quests, or other equally hilarious moments. My brother said he had considered it, for about a second, but knew that the appeal would grow old too quickly.
After a week, I'd just have this weird guy wearing tight black plastic pants sitting on my couch, playing nintendo, and raving about how he was turning himself into a fireball. Nobody really wants that for a roomate.
Note to self: Do not tell tenants about latex, nintendo, or gothic hobbies.
I've been busy looking for apartments and the like so that I can live closer to my school. It's such a frustrating process being a saleswoman for yourself. Hey Renters! I'm so awesome, I like cleaning, and being quiet, but also being fun, and I enjoy every hobby that you do! Did I mention that I periodically save lives? Of small children? Sometimes my hot girlfriends come over and we have rowdy pillow fights! I can also make origami samurai hats! How could you not want to live with me?!
It's exhausting, and ofcourse I'd never say that I'm a psychopathic hypochondriac because that isn't the most alluring character trait (even if it's the predominant one). Somehow that doesn't exude the charisma I'm going for...
My brother is in a similar place, trying to find a roomate for the vacant room at his house, and he's seen too many people in the last week to count. I know what you're thinking right now, that my brother and I should live together but c'mon, would you actually live with a sibling? I can just see it now, I'd wake up and be eating my cereal, keeping to myself when it hits me, HEY WHERE'S MY SPECIAL EDITION METALLIC NINJA TURTLE?! Oh right, my brother stole it. No way, jose, not going through those battles for a second time. And plus, the levels of ketchup that kid consumes traumatizes me in an irreversible manner.
My brother interviewed one guy for the place, a seemingly normal person in his early 20's, and thought that he might be a suitable match. He was a bit put off by the guys strong affinity for nintendo, explanations of how you might turn yourself into a fireball, etc. but didn't think that was a real problem. As the interview was drawing to an end along with the extensive discussions of nintendo, the guy had something to add, something that may or may not be of interest to a roomate.
"So I just wanted to let you know," the guy said, "That if I get the place, I like to go to gothic bars. I like to dress up in black latex, and dresses, and I just wanted to make that clear."
My brother said he wasn't sure if it was a joke or not, but he waited an adequate amount of time before deciding that it was most likely the truth. He didn't know what to say, how to respond to the black latex comment, but he's a quick boy, he could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves, so he responded the only way he knew how. Nothing to invasive, offensive, or extensive, just something to fill the awkward silence.
"So," I could picture my brother pooling together all his strength to keep a straight face, to avoid making this gothic loving man feel completely embarrassed, "Are there a lot of gothic bars in Vancouver?"
As you may have guessed, my brother didn't offer the place to him, and was more than relieved to see him go, but not before gothic man could throw out one last enticing proposition. And this is my favourite part by far.
When the new "WE" nintendo system comes out at christmas time, would my brother perhaps like to go halfsies on it with him? Yeah, he actually said halfsies, as in we each pay half of a fucking nintendo system so that we can share the euphoric joy it will bring while we wear black latex and gothic skirts.
I asked my brother later why he wouldn't want to live with the guy just so that he could brag about what his random roomate was doing that day. You know, he could give updates on his outfits, nintendo quests, or other equally hilarious moments. My brother said he had considered it, for about a second, but knew that the appeal would grow old too quickly.
After a week, I'd just have this weird guy wearing tight black plastic pants sitting on my couch, playing nintendo, and raving about how he was turning himself into a fireball. Nobody really wants that for a roomate.
Note to self: Do not tell tenants about latex, nintendo, or gothic hobbies.
posted by lowercasecarmen at 1:12 PM
5 Comments:
You know, you could always try getting your own place. Okay, so it'd probably be smaller than if you shared a place. But it would be all yours and you would never have to deal with roommates ever! And think of all the nintendo you could play and black latex you could wear, whenever the mood suited you.
yeah, I just don't think I have that kind of dough to fork out...I wish though
that is so bizzarre.
i think the hobo in the sub who attacks the computers and makes her pinkies talk in mandarin while 'playing' the piano is looking for someone.... you remember her don't ya carm?
tag!
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