And I Tell Myself I'm Not A Snob
I've probably mentioned my affinity for licorice several times before on this blog. Not disgusting we-use-this-to-induce-vomiting-at-the-hospital-when-people-come-in-with-alcohol-poisoning black licorice, but delectable red or red-ish coloured licorice. 7-11 has this one kind that comes in a plethora of addictive flavours that has caused me to, on more occasions than I'd like to admit, put on a bit of mascara in the hopes of looking presentable and leave my house at 2 in the morning with the intention of buying only it. I mean, leave that bumpin' party I was at...
So the other night while walking to the bus stop my friend and I decided to make a quick pit stop at a gas station. I was about to buy the regular licorice when I saw these new pull 'n' peel packs. I got a little over excited and had I been a small lap dog I might have peed right then and there. I went up to the counter and made some stupid, apparently unamusing, crack.
"I wasn't even gonna buy anything but I got roped in by this colourful packaging."
"OK," says an unperturbed cashier, "whatever that means."
"I just meant that the pretty colours and sugary appeal made me wanna buy it. You know, the crazy capitalists got me again!"
"I think it's called effective advertising."
Yeah, you think? What I said, and then what you said, those were synonyms you douche bag. I know it must be hard, standing there all day, drinking gas station coke, and eating gas station hot dogs, dreaming about gas station porn magazines, but you really don't have to give me gas station impassivity too.
Oh and guess what? That piece of cardboard shaped like a christmas tree that smells like coconut, not a fucking deodorant stick buddy. I'm sure you were going for some tropical appeal, but in reality you smell like a bar star who just threw up their watered down pina colada.
Yeah, whatever THAT means shithead.
So the other night while walking to the bus stop my friend and I decided to make a quick pit stop at a gas station. I was about to buy the regular licorice when I saw these new pull 'n' peel packs. I got a little over excited and had I been a small lap dog I might have peed right then and there. I went up to the counter and made some stupid, apparently unamusing, crack.
"I wasn't even gonna buy anything but I got roped in by this colourful packaging."
"OK," says an unperturbed cashier, "whatever that means."
"I just meant that the pretty colours and sugary appeal made me wanna buy it. You know, the crazy capitalists got me again!"
"I think it's called effective advertising."
Yeah, you think? What I said, and then what you said, those were synonyms you douche bag. I know it must be hard, standing there all day, drinking gas station coke, and eating gas station hot dogs, dreaming about gas station porn magazines, but you really don't have to give me gas station impassivity too.
Oh and guess what? That piece of cardboard shaped like a christmas tree that smells like coconut, not a fucking deodorant stick buddy. I'm sure you were going for some tropical appeal, but in reality you smell like a bar star who just threw up their watered down pina colada.
Yeah, whatever THAT means shithead.
posted by lowercasecarmen at 8:59 PM
2 Comments:
i understand your obsession with licorice. i also understand your obsession with fancy packaging. it gets me everytime. i like buying five cent candies at 7 eleven. i eat them till i feel sick. out of all licorice i especially like the grape flavoured kind.
Hahahahaha!
I guess gas stations are either staffed by secretly smart people who would have appreciated the multiple layers of your comments ("roped" in by licorice -- I love it) or by drones who, really, could be replaced by robots. Oh well. A for effort anyway.
Post a Comment
<< Home