Sebastian's Woes

The bearded woman looked over into the wings and gave me the signal that the crowds were getting a bit too rowdy. She pulled on her scraggly goatee, twisted it around her first finger three times and then gave it a firm tug. If she had twisted it 5, or 7, or 13 it would have meant something different, but equally problematic. I got up off the old inverted bucket I was sitting on to wake Rigur. Rigur liked sleep, possibly more than a fine rye and coke, and he was awfully handy when it came to scaring "disorderly" masses. His 8 foot stature only served as a daunting warning that disruptive behaviour was not welcome at the Chesterton County Corporated Circus.

The past years had been bad in terms of business. The thrill and allure of circuses had been lost long ago to nintendo, computers, and the technologizing of the world. Sebastian resented modernity, the sleek and flawless machine that worked day in and day out to brain wash everyone, and recruit new members constantly in efforts to monopolize society in general. Sebastian tried to revolutionize the newer acts and bring a little something unique to certain aspects of the show, but the atmosphere was forever gloomy. He often sat in his trailer and reminisced about the glory days of circus, back when he was a 13 year old boy with a talent for eating light bulbs. He had had fame and prestige, and more; he had lots of women back then too. Now, he spent a lot of time playing defense rather than offense, and quite regularly this was done in a blinding whiskey haze.

Sebastian watched attentively as Rigur bombarded the crowds with his threats and shut his eyes with exhaustion. He would try hard to forget the nose dive that was his show, and focus on something a little less depressing like the imaginary life that played out in his mind. He liked to pretend that he was an office worker, a financial analyst, and everyday he would put on a suit and tie and drive through maddening traffic on his way to work. He would swear and curse the other cars on the street for being "so damn stupid" and having "no bloody regard for anyone else, GOD DAMNIT!" Sebastian loved the idea that he could live normally, take umbrage at the rising price of super-market bananas, and grumble with his coworkers about their fat stupid boss. It would be lovely, free of responsibility, ordinary.

"I think everyone's scared shitless boss. A few of 'em left, sorry. I tried to tone it down a bit but they just weren't having it," grunted Rigur.

I looked out to the audience and saw an almost empty stadium. There were a couple people gathering their things and heading out, but essentially, no one was planning on staying.

"For Christ's sake Rigur, warn, don't scold."

The bearded lady looked sad and I could see the stage lights reflecting off her wet cheeks.

"They think I'm ugly, everyone thinks I'm ugly, THEY all come to see my ugly beard."

"You're not ugly Marianne, you're different and some people have trouble with that. Just go to my trailer and I'll be their in a sec."

Marrianne flew off, and Sebastian sat back down on his bucket. His late meeting with her would surely interfere with his nightly ritual of retreating back to the financial analyst office life, but in this case he knew that it was crucial enough not to ignore. He rubbed his aching knees and slowly got up. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it in the side of his mouth. As he walked to his trailer he pretended that he was heading to a board meeting, a meeting with his office pals and Bridget that fiery secretary from the second floor. He passed Rick's cubicle and told him to "get back to work you lazy slacker!" Rick laughed and Sebastian laughed. Rick was just about the hardest working guy in the building but everyone kind of maintained the office inside joke that Rick was a slacker. Sebastian chuckled as he walked away; it would take Rick atleast ten minutes to realize that his stapler had been "stolen".

Sebastian neared his trailer and saw the outline of Marianne crying inside. Rick didn't ask about the stapler that night.