I Had It All Figured Out

When I was really little my mom would sometimes take my brother, my sister, and I to the beach near my gramma's house. I remember one time we were there and I saw an old man walking across the sand, scanning over the ground with a metal detector. I heard the consistent beeping, saw the quiet determination in his face, and realized that he was smarter than the rest of us. At six or seven, or however old I was, I knew that I would grow up to do what he was doing; I would grow up to get rich off of sand gems. As my brother and sister played some game that my brother was most likely owning my sister at, I had this epiphany, an unwavering belief that I would find some rare green rock, march into a museum and be like "Hey bitches, look at this." I knew they would look at me, then the rock in my hand and their jaws would drop. They'd open some safe in the back and unload millions of dollars into my Barbie back-pack, I'd walk home, adjust my back-pack straps every so often to balance the weight of my millions, and then eat one of the apple juice popsicles that my mom had made. I obviously didn't understand a lot about my plan, the absurdity and unlikelihood of it, but not understanding was what gave me such a sense of certainty. I think getting that sliver of time in your life where you're totally unable to be logical, rational, and reasonable is really important, and you could only ever be that way when your biggest "to do" is making sure lady bugs don't poo on your hand.

I don't want to collect rocks now, I don't think I'd like that too much, but I do hope I get to do something that makes me happy. There are lots of people who end up flipping burgers for a living, who become a compliant assistant, or simply hate wherever it is that are. I have no idea how to elude those kinds of careers, and lives, and outcomes fallen short of dreams, but maybe it has something to do with fostering those slightly implausible ambitions. Maybe when I see that kid at work, walking along and licking all the windows, she's trying to tell me something.

"Hey you, yeah girl who looks depressed, I like licking stuff. And it tastes like Windex."