Andrea and Melanie Can Go To Hell

I have a theory that cell phone companies are trying to crapify their pay-as-you-go plans so that the 37 people who still use cell phones in that manner will get an expensive plan already. I think they have high paid marketing executives working around the clock to brainstorm different ways to make pay-as-you-go the most inefficient method of using cells. It sure didn't take long for the people in expensive Armani suits to realize that voice automating their systems would make people a little more inclined to methodically scratch off their retinas with plastic picnic cutlery.

My phone company is Fido, so that means that the "lady" (monotone recorded voice) that fills my account is Andrea. I hate Andrea with a passion because she never understands that I want to FILL MY ACCOUNT. Instead, to her, that last sentence sounds like "please change my language of preference to French," and before I know it, Andrea is parler-ing en francais. Sometimes I'll be huddled at the back of the bus, trying to reason with robo-Andrea and just about at the end of my patience when I'll say "For the love of god Andrea, yeah Andrea, if that is your real name...I-WANT-TO-FILL-MY-FUCKING-ACCOUNT," and I space out the words, pronunciate the best I can, and hope that for once she understands. She usually replies with a "I'm sorry, did you say saucepan monkey basket?"

Today I found out that Rogers is doing the same. The same except their robo-woman-voice-automated-bitch is named Melanie.