The Po Po

Ever since Allan got his license taken away I've been absolutely petrified of cops, speeding, speeding while in the vicinity of cops, and police. I think the 80's rainbow reflective sunglasses and the intimidating blank stare of that robo-cop who pulled us over will forever be seared in my mind. When he came to the window I half expected him to say "Have you seen this boy?" and then I'd be like "GOOO AL GOOO, IT'S THAT GUY FROM TERMINATOR!!!" Unfortunately, he said something like "Do you know why I pulled you over?" and a gave us a look that meant business.

As I was driving today, through various bouts of traffic, I started to get really caught up in my music. Sometimes you manage to listen to a song that completely and fully epitomizes your current mood, desires, and intentions and you start to forget that there are provincial laws in place called "speed limits". I can't even remember what I was listening to, but I do remember hearing sirens. I think it was somewhere around that time that I kind of stopped breathing, and just about shit myself. I pulled over, he pulled over, and I rolled down my window.

"Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" This guy looked really unenthused.

"Uhh, because Ben Harper was bringing the funk?"

"Excuse me? Are you giving me sass?"

"No, sorry sir."

"You know, considering this is rush hour and most cars can't even do the posted speed limit, I'm pretty surprised I had to pull you over. Generally people go under the speed limit."

I didn't know what he wanted me to say. To be quite honest, I wasn't even sure if he wanted a response at all. However, he didn't budge and he didn't talk, so I decided that I had to."

"Well I guess I don't really want to follow the crowds heh."

Being the wannabe comedian that I am, I actually tried a joke on him. Half because I thought it would go right over his head, and half because I thought maybe he'd laugh and then let me go. Apparently he didn't think it was too funny. His look said "Not funny you pitiful deviant."

"Do you think law enforcement is a joke ma'am?"

Once again, he never really made it clear whether he ACTUALLY wanted me to respond. I gave it one last try.

"Well, only on Wednesdays, and hey, what's today again. Holy crap (I did not say "shit") it's Wednesday! Maybe that means you could give me a joke ticket?"

I wish I had just one person with me to witness what happened next. The cop looked to the side, and I actually caught him smile just a tiny bit. He shook his head, took off his aviators, and looked at me.

"Ma'am, your trunk's open. You weren't even speeding, just thought I'd let you know."


(Alright, dad, that didn't actually happen, I just made it up so breathe in, out, good.)