Thursday, April 06, 2006

Organic Pain

Hi, my name is Carmen and I'm a blogoholic.

Sometimes Allan likes to tease me about my "addiction" to blogging/reading blogs and I always get defensive. Sure I do it a lot, yes I enjoy it, but comparatively speaking we're talking about reading online, not huffing glue. Besides, I could stop anytime I want, really, I could.

Strangely enough, this morning I found myself on Granville Island and happened to be walking by a cafe. There was a sign that said "Free wireless internet", which essentially drew me in by pure magnetic force. I walked in and looked at the menu board to scope out the least expensive item they sold. I didn't see it up there but I asked for a plain tea and the girls pointed to a strange wooden box with little bags of tea. I think the wooden box factor should've tipped me off for what I was about to buy, but I was still wiping the drool of my chin due to FREE wireless internet. I wanted to sort everything out so I asked the girl "Uh, can I use my own computer?" and I made sure to point to the computer to emphasize the MY factor. The girl said yes while giving me a look that said "I deal with stupid customers like you all day. Please, for the love of god, drown yourself. Now." She followed the look by ringing up my tea which came to $3. I had already gotten myself in too far to run out of the store so I paid, sat down, and thought about my expensive tea. The wooden box? Yeah that meant organic. Apparently, when the herb-y tid bits that float in your hot water were grown without f'n pesticides they cost a whole lot more. Basically, when you buy organic you justify the consuming guilt of spending too much money with the thought of earnest and noble farmers harvesting their peppermint leaves the good ol' fashioned way.

I was really glad that the ambulance came after I was forced to saw off my left leg in order to pay for my organic tea. They were so polite and courteous with a "Don't worry," interspersed with "It'll all be done soon," every so often. As I laid on the stretcher I thought about how lucky I was to have used the free internet, but more than that, how giving up my left leg was worth every second of checking my blogs. As the ambulance workers bandaged my open wound I suddenly realized that they could've been using the wrong bandage.

"Is that bandage organic?" I blurted out in a moment of panic.

"Don't worry miss, 100% organic Peruvian hemp."


Blogger dbuc said...

oooooooooooof, you're sooooo lucky that they had the organic bandages. here in argentina, they just signed a deal with the peruvian government which guarantees a free trade link between the two countries, consisting of the hemp bandages from peru, and llama sweaters from argentina. so smart. if you didn't get the hemp bandage, would you have just applied your old tea bag to the wound, in hopes of treating it that way?

8:51 AM  
Anonymous abdu said...

the disease seems to be somewhat contagious as well seeing that it has infected millions of internet users. so far i remain unharmed but ive thought about it, since i rant all the time anyway.

you should set aside a little fund, a-water/tea-coffeeshop-wireless-internet fund. so when the craving kicks in you wont have to 'steal' water and what not.

abdu in frogland, quebec

2:38 PM  
Anonymous a said...

With the ever rising prices of tea how can one maintain a steady intake? Yes there was that fiasco about dumping some over a ship of some sort, but what did that really solve? With tea prices sky rocketing many belive there is no end in sight. However there are a few of us 'pure' belivers who still have faith in a solid and steady tea price, that will continue to warm our stomaches with a buzzing glow of orange peaco.

Please dontate to our foundation .

With a 3000$ donation you receive a pin that says 'Everytime is tea time'

For a 10 000$ donation you'll receive a special coffe mug that says 'im only drinking this because im out of tea'

Donate today! And make someone you know/like proud.

4:00 PM  
Anonymous whit said...

a, the link isn't working on my computer.

Are you accepting cash or money orders?

please let me know


7:48 PM  
Blogger lowercasecarmen said...

dbuc - I think I would have been forced to use my tea bag. If they had tried to come near me with that regular (aka evil) sandpaper-like crap they use on everyone else I might have fainted.

abdu - Yeah that was my fund. Last, this, and next month's...

a. - If I donate $100,000 will I get the actual tea farmer? You know, like as a pet.

whit - ever since you gave me the pepermint tea I've been craving the stuff. That spit outside your front door? Yeah, that was me in the midst of a rabid fit trying (unsuccessfully) to break into your tea stores.

1:29 AM  
Blogger Lavender said...

Heh! That just about sums up Granville Island. If you went over to the corner store, that same tea would probably cost $0.89.

9:14 AM  
Anonymous a. said...

Blast! the A.T.C.O.A must be on to us (anti tea commission of america)
Cash only please, for a personal farmer please call our dalas location.

wait! i bet their reading this as we speak! Code red! Send as much money as possible!

1:33 PM  

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