How My Boyfriend Gets Me To Buy The Things He's Too Embarrassed To
Late night phone call from Al:
me: Hello?
al: Did you eat all the smarties from my trailmix?
me: No.
al: Did you? (Shaking bag and probably searching in it)
me: No.
al: What the hell. My roommate must have...
me: Al...I did.
al: CARMEN! You always do this, you did it with the Vector clusters and now with this. I hate how you do that, it totally wrecks it.
me: I'm sorry, I know. I was just really hungry.
al: Well you can eat the nuts too.
me: I know, ok I'll buy you a box of smarties and put it in there.
al: I'm trying to enjoy my nice trailmix and all I'm getting is nuts!
me: I'm soooorryy.
al: Now you have to buy me some smarties...and a Baby Bottle Pop*.
(*A lollipop that's shaped like a baby bottle. Al thinks the 7-11 guys give him bad looks when he buys it. Apparently he can't get over the fact that other people think he's too old to enjoy his favourite candy)
posted by lowercasecarmen at 8:41 PM
7 Comments:
i do the same thing, don't worry...all guys are like it...it's not manly to buy rock pops, etc...but it is cute for girls to, so, that's the way it is. the same for pop-eye smokes...'hey, queer, why don't you buy marlboroughs instead' 'but i like popeye'...you get the picture.
Maybe they should make manly blue truck candies? I think there'd be more than a couple sighs of relief.
tell me about it...or jelly boobs...in a cardboard box so the kids wouldn't know what it was, but the sev-guy would think what a stud the guy was for buying it...right? right?
The subtle taste of jelly boobs lingered in Sev-guys mouth as he rang in another purchase of strikingly plain cardboard boxes. "Enjoy," he says as the kids run from the store. The door shuts with an abrupt clank; Sev-guy hangs his head and stares blankly out of the slurpee encrusted windows, "It's almost as good as the real thing...almost as good..."
I think they make the best candy as kiddish as possible so everytime you purchase it you feel like less and less of a human being. Then you begin to spiral down into a vicious circle of addiction where your sole reason to buy it is so you escape from your own self loathing for the brief moment it takes to devour a delicous candy stick and and its coupled powdered dip. and you get wild berry blast, because its your favorite flavour.
Im outraged that you would eat a mans smarties from his 'trail mix'. Especialy when told not to, you know, in my country you can get killed for that kind of behaviour.
signed, a stranger.
a., I think you may be on to something there. I felt a twinge of anguish in my heart as I read your words. Yes, my escape is candy.
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