Dear Impatient Shitface
Dear Impatient Shitface,
Do you remember me? We were on the Burrard Street Bridge when you decided to be a fat douche bag. There was a big orange pylon in the middle of my lane and considering the fact that I don't have hummer and therefore can't drive over large objects, I had to stop and change lanes. I gave you notice, I put my flicker on, there was no suddenness or abruptness in my decision to stop. Regardless, you decided to come up behind me, become aggravated, and then lay on your horn. I'm sorry that you're such a fucking prick, that you made no efforts to be understanding or brainstorm about possible reasons for a random stop. Did you think I was doing it for my own amusement? Did you think I wanted to get honked at? Are you an over paid old cranky senile obese grey haired man with an obnoxious license plate that said something like "PURRR". Yes, yes you are. I liked that after you had been honking at me for a while you changed lanes, went beside me, and then honked some more while giving me the evil eye. You did it in such a manor that you neglected to see the pylon, and probably still think that I was the idiot. That's the only sad part about it all; you'll never understand that infact it was you in your ugly car that was the embarrassment. Try to be a little more observant, look around, and please, for the love of whatever you believe in, turn down the assholeness. Were you in a hurry to get to Bingo night? Were you late for the old folks home curfew? Did your daily prune juice just kick in? Was it Im-A-Big-Stupid-Asshole-Detriment-To-Society-Day and I just didn't remember?
I hope you had a really awesome night full of herpes ridden hookers.
Sincerely, Carmen
posted by lowercasecarmen at 12:06 AM
7 Comments:
haha...frick, i've been in that situation so often...like, some loser stops in front of me, and obviously i have to honk. why the fuck would i think about it? i'm driving. i want to get somewhere. if some tree hugging mofo wants to stop for some baby ducks, a carriage, etc, why the fuck would i care. and, if said person is having trouble switching lanes because noone will let him/her in, (because we are all in a hurry to get somewhere, and letting a car 'in' would make us .02 seconds late) all the better. i'll honk at the unfortunate bitch and think to myself how angry i am with that person for being in the way. also, i'll be angry about having a wasted life, a wife that cheats on me, kids that hate me, a 1 hour commute both ways, a job that i hate, but, i'll vent on people like you...because i am lonely and have no one else to vent to or on. because i'm successful. up yours, slow, young lady with her life ahead of her. up yours.
Yeah I think it was the license plate name that really got me. It was so showy I'm a Big Asswipe-ish and it exemplified all that was wrong with that stupid man. You should have seen the level of rage he was spewing out. I was like LOOK AT THE FUCKING PYLON. He probably didn't have his glasses on though and most likely he had cataracts because he was SO OLD. bah!
I kind of liked writing the letter though. I might have to make letters a permanent instalment. Try it, seriously, it's so satisfying.
Heck Yes!!
I wrote my own "dear mr. impatient" letter once. ( http://themindofthatgirl.blogspot.com/2005/05/dear-mr-impatient.html )
I gotta say, it really does help blow off some of the steam.
-kate
Good Job! Here's to venting letters!
"Puuuur?" Ewwwwwwwww.
The Herpes line is my favourite. This makes me want to write a letter to a certain residence housing department that won't inspect my room early enough to catch my 8am flight home, forcing me to be inspected and locked out (literally) the night before, a few hours before an exam, with no where to sleep that night. How lovely.
Maybe you should write the letter and then PAPER CUT THEM TO DEATH! Yes, I am genius.
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