This is fact not fiction, for the first time in years

me: So I went into Lush the other day when I was waiting for you guys and those sales girls are aggressive. Aggressive in a hippy way, they're all "yeah totally, coooool, just try this mint ylang ylang cocoa butter body lotion. It's so chill."

sister: Yeah, remember that one time they rubbed that shit on my arm and I was all "Mmm smells good," to the girl but actually it was disgusting.

me: The girl totally suckered me into being on their VIP list, I just didn't have the motivation to explain to her that I didn't care. I had to fill out this sheet with my address, phone number, age, etc. Then it says "given name" so I tell her that my "given name" is Carmen, but that I go by Lotus Flower Bloom now.

mom: Meh, that's not so uncommon.

me: I dunno, she was like "OK", and then I kinda laughed because she didn't even think it was weird. Then I told her that I was just kidding and she was like "OK." She gave me the exact same response. Her name was probably Centaur or something like that. She probably thought mine was weak.

sister: Centaur? Are they those half horse half human things?

me: Yeah.

sister: What are those half goat half human things, like on Narnia?

mom: Oh c'mon! Half goat half human? That's just a made up creature, there's no name for them.

sister: And centaurs aren't made up?

mom: Oh...